There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
