can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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