K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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