I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dick very happy bro
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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