I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
