I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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