You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
