So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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