he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
