you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
