pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
