...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
