i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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