Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
