i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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