Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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