Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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