I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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