No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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