I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
