Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
