I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
