New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
