Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
