plz talk dirty to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
