Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
