I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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