I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
