And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
