so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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