So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
