I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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