I cannot find my penis.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
