Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
