Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
