if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
