i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
