soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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