I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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