I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you never un-have a 4some
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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