I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
did you just send me my own nude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
