Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
