Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
