Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
