The best revenge is premature balding
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
