I love black thongs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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