I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
