Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
