yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
