Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize