But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
