So drunk its hurt
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
