Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
