Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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