i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
