The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
