Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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