How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
