Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my shit smells like andre
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
