Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
