As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
