How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
whose parrot is this?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
