it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
