I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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