but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
