okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
