I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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