You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
