i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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