I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
