So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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