She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
