Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
