Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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