dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
