Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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