His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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