Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
