chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
