somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.