My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
