her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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