if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
