Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
