So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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