I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
