Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
