You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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